When Harry Met Chelsea...

9:15pm. My Apartment in Poughkeepsie.

I watch “When Harry Met Sally” with my best friend at least once a week. The two of us can practically recite the whole thing from beginning to end. This past week we were watching this particularly relevant scene: about halfway through the film, Harry yells at his two close friends, Marie and Jess, a couple just about to move in together, he says to them, “Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love, but you’ve got to know, that sooner or later, you're going to be screaming at each other about who's going to get this dish (holds up a dish and points to it). This eight-dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of that's-mine-this-is-yours.”

Harry didn’t actually mean to blow up at his friends, he’d recently divorced his wife of six years and then run into her and her new lover in a toy store. Harry was upset and he took it out on someone else when they totally didn’t deserve it. Now, I don’t know about everybody else, but this sort of behavior is definitely my M.O. I get upset about something and then take out my hurt, or anger, or sadness, or frustration on someone else for something that doesn’t really matter. And, if we're getting real honest here I’ve been doing it a lot lately.

I guess it’s good to know that you have a tendency to do irrational things but, frankly, that’s only valuable information insofar as it helps you figure out why you do irrational things and then helps you to stop doing them. That’s the real question of the week – why? Why do I do this? I think it’s because when I struggle, I think having everyone struggle with me will make things easier. It’s an ugly realization, but it’s true. Now, in this particular time and space, I believe I am experiencing some growing pains. I hope that I am always aware and always growing, but realistically I think I go in cycles, and I have periods of exponential growth that can be particularly challenging. The trick, I’m finding, is to recognize the feelings, the challenges, define them and then (this is the tough part) acknowledge and deal with them instead of turning into Harry and letting the hurt, anger, sadness, frustration, or whatever have it’s way with the people around me.

This is all starting to sound very much like a therapy session but that’s not what I want to put across really. I’m not a psychologist, I’m just another person you might pass on the street trying to put my heart on my sleeve. Trying to be real and honest with myself and with everyone else. What I am trying to say is that lately feeling angry, sad, hurt and so on has been an opportunity to attempt to be a better version of myself if I choose to take it.  I’m not saying I always do, I turn into Harry often. I make so many mistakes. But that’s the lesson, that’s the point; I can be better, I have so many opportunities. And that is what Harry meant: If you’re not careful, the second everything stops being happy and lovely in your life you’ll make it about something stupid like a dish and it will end up costing you way more than the thing is worth, it’s much better (though it might be more difficult) to just deal with whatever it is you’re feeling that isn’t so happy or lovely.

Ultimately, I will have to deal with myself either way because I can’t run from me. This is my work. This is my opportunity. And I don’t think I’m alone in it.