The God Blogger

2:30am. Friday, October 25, 2013. My House in Lincoln, NE.

Philosophy and philosophers are often faced with the “God question.” It seems only natural that those who spend most of their time speculating in some way or another about the nature of the universe would get the lovely task of having to deal with one of the largest concerns of human history – Is there a God? If there is a God, then what is God like?

Honestly, I’ve avoided this issue in recent years mostly because in past years I made it my entire existence. I’ve had so many opinions about God I can no longer keep them straight in my head; I’ve known everything from “there is no God, we just made it up to feel better,” to “there’s only one God and everyone who believes something different will find themselves in an unfortunate eternal hell.” I’ve had deeper convictions in these views than most other things I take to be true and strangely enough I’ve been equally and profoundly convinced by both extremes at times in my life.

Religion is of little help. Often we find ourselves swept up by these traditions of God, taken in by kind communities, enamored with their seemingly unwavering dedication or charmed by smiling clergy and irrefutable arguments. These things captivated me at certain times and repulsed me at others. No matter what, I find myself constantly on the defense and also playing devil’s advocate against the religious views of myself and others. It’s quite annoying…to both others and myself.

And once we stop looking within or looking to priests, rabbis, imams and pastors we sometimes find ourselves asking the “God question” with our most trusted (non-clergy) friends and family. I find that this too is a bit of a crapshoot. I know many atheists whom I trust and admire, and I know Christians that are just as trustworthy and admirable, I met a Hindu once that I’m still convinced was some type of angel. As much as I love my friends and family I know that the “God question” aches for certainty in them just as much as it does in me. None of us can be more certain than another.

So here’s the answer to the “God question” … just kidding, as always I have no answers, only thoughts. What’s most interesting is that regardless of our level of certainty we can find ourselves filing the “God question” away in the envelope marked “stuff that doesn’t matter.” If you think I’m wrong or I’ve thoroughly pissed you off I’m sorry but it is often in a moment of overwhelming grief, agony or distress that we stop asking ourselves whether or not God exists or if God cares about us and we start hedging our bets in the form of prayer to whatever might be out there. Also, in similar moments of overwhelming grief, agony or distress we can stop believing with such unshakable determinacy in whatever God we believe in. Suddenly, it’s just whatever seems most immediately pragmatic that we start clinging to like a ring buoy in an endless ocean.

We look to the “God question” to address some of our most pragmatic moral and metaphysical concerns and to provide some comfort in this often uncomfortable world. Yet, the “God question” is frequently neither pragmatic nor comforting. I know a pastor that, when asked certain questions about the nature or existence of God will answer in four words, slowly, raising a finger for every word in order to imply the gravity of each of them – “I (and up goes his thumb) do (index finger) not (middle) know (ring).” While it is tempting to offer this same answer to the “God question,” as I said before I will not be offering answers.   

Rather, I will refer to this personal anecdote: I have a tattoo on my back that very few people know about, it’s a black and grey picture of stones I found while walking on the beach when I was fifteen. The stones are in the shape of a cross. I got it on my eighteenth birthday. It represents one of those rare moments of clarity one can sometimes have; when I found those stones I was so thoroughly assured, for just a moment, of the nature and existence of God. And yes, that assurance waivers significantly and I cannot deny that. However, I have another tattoo as well, this is one that most people who know me are aware of – it’s an outline of a dove and it’s on my right ankle. I got it when I was 21 and it represents all the other moments of life that are not so clear, it is the spirit of what is in-between human and divine.

When it comes to the “God question” I think the moment often dictates a particular answer – we are the stones or the dove.